Hey-Yo-Hi....Hello

RHYMIN' SIMON HERE...

Simon Peter, that is....at least that's what my mom hoped for.
I was actually named after St. Peter, who was my mom's favorite saint.
She told me once that I was the only child that she ever asked for.

Man.....talk about pressure!

She hoped that one day I would join the seminary, and emerge a priest.

Uhhh....that was until I was about 6 and entered school.

Back then home schooling didn't exist. As kids, we were all thrust together at a very young age. For some, this was not a problem. For others, like myself, the kid experience, even in a Parochial school staffed by nuns with monikers like "Sister Eloise Frankenstein" and "Sister Mary Killyounow", was, a bit of a challenge.
It wasn't like I was a bad kid, or anything. I was just, well, enthusiastic.

You know the type. Front row. Hand always up. Spastic leg twitching.
Kinda like I still am.
Anyways, by 8th grade I was a marked man.
And before that, I tended to be a little physical with the other kids in my class, or Cub Scout Troop, or in the playground...

So, mom, at a very early age indeed, gave up on the priest thing.

Sorry mom.

Anyways, it's probably just as well. I stopped being a Catholic at age 37, becoming instead a "Born Again Christian", a move that scared almost everyone but my middle daughter, and my wife, who did the same thing at about the same time.
But, that's another story, for another time....

Mom once told us that she felt bad because she was going to heaven, and the rest of her family was heading to Hell....

Jeesh....

Well, I hope she's happy there now, and won't be too surprised when we pop in on her a little later...!

So,

NOLO PRIESTERE..

A doomed idea, really, from the day that God created Eve, I was a dead man.

NOLO CELIBACERONIUS...

I know....IO.....sorry....

But, anyways, there it is.

Still, someday I will be Saint Pete. Not Pope Pete.
Jesus says so. I believe Him.

YOU GET THE POINT!!